


I Can Be Better

by Queenofthieves



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec just wants love, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Child Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Series, Pre-Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 17:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthieves/pseuds/Queenofthieves
Summary: Soulmate AU: Canon Divergence: In a world where soulmarks are the norm, Alec is excited to get his and even more excited to show his mother. When he gets his at a young age he's so happy it's pretty and he has a pretty good idea who his soulmate would be but he's too little and naive to know what his mark means; what it will mean.





	I Can Be Better

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, so this is my first work here ever and I wrote it super quick because I couldn't get it out of my head. This hasn't been beta read and the grammar probably sucks but I just wanted to get it out there ya know?
> 
> Just a bit of information about how I'm thinking the soulmarks work in this AU since it's not really explained; I really like the idea of multiple different marks, like the first words yo'll hear your soulmate say or you'll have matching images or only see in shades of grey etc. 
> 
> I also really like the idea of the first thing you fall in love with about you soulmate is what you get as a mark, so say your soulmate really likes to garden and their favorite flower is a rose then that person will get a rose on their arm or something. I also like the less obvious ones like someone instantly loving a freckle on their best friends neck and then suddenly they have a matching one.
> 
> I just love the idea of multiple marks existing in one universe and again this isn't really relevant to the story since there's only mention of Alec's soulmark but I thought I'd explain anyways.
> 
> Once again, I;m really sorry or the grammar and any mistakes you come across but please enjoy :)

Alec was young when he got his soulmark. 

Much too young to remember his eager squeals and heavy footsteps on stone as he ran down the corridors of the Institute trying to find his mother, hair a wild mess atop his head and smile much too wide for his small face.

When he finally found her, face red and breath coming in short puffs, he wanted nothing more than to share his exciting news. He was practically bursting with excited energy, toes curling in his shoes as his small fingers rung the bottom of his shirt, a habit he picked up and couldn’t seem to shake.

Whilst he was too young to remember the details leading to this moment, he certainly wasn’t young enough to forget the look of disgust and anger written across his mother’s face as he took in the sight of her son.

With a sneer plastered on her face and a hand much too tight around his wrist he was dragged to his father’s office, not quite understanding what was going and desperately wanting his mother to let him go before he lost all feeling in his arm.

He knew that his father was not a pleasant man, even Alec with his six years of life could see he was not happy but never had he seen him like he was them. Loud shouting, screams and some broken vases later, Alec was being held by his mother as his father applied a rune him right in his office.

A small glamour rune just below his rib-cage, small enough to not draw attention yet big enough to do the job. Alec was too young to understand, too naive and small to know any better so when the burning started, an excruciating pain like nothing he had ever felt, he screamed and tried to get away arching his back and squirming in an attempt to get out of his mother’s grip.

He still thinks the sharp slap across his cheek hurt worse than the fire in his veins from the angel magic. With tears in his eyes he begged his mother to explain, to tell him what he did wrong and that he was sorry and he loved her. His father grabbed his chin before he could finish his babbling.

A rough grip that that left a red angry mark on his face, before he tore him away from his mother and to the heavy door of the office. When his father kneeled down, Alec had been so relieved believing it all the be a big misunderstanding but his hopes were crushed when he saw the look in his father’s eyes, a mix between wild rage and simmering disgust;  
“If you ever so much as look at that… that thing again I swear to every god you will ever know, I will kill you. You will not disgrace this family”.

Alec remembers how his heart jumped at his father’s threat, from a rapid pace to a painful thump as he heard the blood rush to his ears and his stomach fall to his toes.  
He didn’t have any time to dwell on these feelings though because the next thing he knew, he was being thrown out the door into the hallway; his knees scraping on the concrete as he looked up at his father, desperate tears falling down his face as he prayed to understand;

If he wasn’t already breaking, his father spitting out “I have no son” as the door was forcibly slammed in his face, would have done it. 

He can’t quite recall how long he stayed there, tears running down his face and bloody knees drawn up to his chest. He knows now, many years later that that was the day he experienced his very first anxiety attack and yet at the time, at the age of only six he didn’t know that this was the reason he couldn’t catch his breath or stop shaking. 

He could hear footsteps on the other side of the door, the heavy thud cutting past the blood rushing in his ears and his panic skyrocketed. He shot up as quickly as he could on shaky legs and ran. Ran as fast as he could in any direction, running into a few walls due to his blurry eyes and nearly crashing into a table as he rounded a corner into the general area.

He remembers the shocked looks as the other’s took note of the small boy in a near erratic state, he ignored the yells of concerns and dodged all the arms that attempted to catch him instead running into the nearest bathroom and locking the door despite the yells and pounding from the other side.

He may not have been good at much but he was great at runes, expertly applying a locking rune to the door with his stele, the press of the cool metal serving as stark reminder to the burning of his skin below his rib-cage.

Eventually they left and Alec shakily stood up from the corner that he barricaded himself in, attempting to make himself as small as possible and praying no one would be able to find him should they actually bust down the door.

He didn’t understand, one minute he was so happy and excited to share something with him family, something that made him feel fuzzy and warm inside. Something that his mother had been telling him since he could understand her words, 

“Your soulmark will be the most beautiful thing Alec and when you eventually get yours I hope you see that”,

If that were true, why would his mother react the way she did, yell at him and bruise him only to throw him to his father and been forced to cover it up?

When he first noticed his mark he was so proud, it was so pretty and he knew it was somehow perfect for him but now as he shakily took away the glamour with his stele he stared at his glowing yellow cat eye in the small mirror all he felt was disgust.

Disgust at himself. Disgust at the mark. Disgust at his soulmate. 

Swallowing down another hiccup he took note of his appearance, face red and blotchy, blood trailing down his temple from running into something in his mad dash, clothes sweaty and hair matted, glowing eye on full display he vowed to himself that he would have nothing to do with his soulmate.

He picked up his stele from where he dropping it on the floor and reactivated the rune, hissing at the pain but letting it be a welcome distraction from the pain gripping his heart. He watched as the glow faded and the cat eye disappeared replaced by his usual hazel making him appear to be a normal six year old boy. He washed his face and fixed his hair as best he could once again looking in the mirror and attempting a smile.

He could pretend, pretend he didn’t have a soulmate, pretend his parents hadn’t hurt him so, pretend he wasn’t hurting so much inside. With a final deep breath he left the bathroom, not even acknowledging the others as they cast worried looks his way.

He would be the perfect son. He would be the perfect solider. He would be everything he wasn’t right now and hopefully that would be enough.

He’s old enough now to know that it wasn’t and it never would be.

**Author's Note:**

> So what'd you guys think?
> 
> I know it's not perfect and there's a lot of errors , which please don't be afraid to tell me about, feedback is the key to learning. 
> 
> I'm also thinking about expanding this and making it longer than a one shot? What do you guys think? Is there story there to tell or would it just be a bit of waste because I want to enjoy myself and share my ideas with you all but I want you guys to enjoy it too you know?
> 
> Anyways, let me know what you think and I hope you liked it even though it was super short. Have a great day guys!


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